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The Complete Guide to Memorial Services

Planning a memorial service tin often seem complicated, especially when trying to program 1 in the midst of your grief. To aid y'all, we've created this simple Guide to Memorial Services. Here you'll observe everything you need to become started and to navigate the decision making that comes with this life changing experience. Read on >

At Graceland, we've seen memorial services of every kind. Pregnant planning goes into each one. Without some structure that still allows room for personalization and unique remembrances, those first few steps toward planning a memorial tin can be a challenge. At the same time, these special services are a cracking manner to commemorate and celebrate a loved i. With a little planning and preparation, hosting a memorial service can be a good way to mark a life well lived and to help heal yourself, your family and those impacted past your loved one'south passing.

Start Here: Mail-Burying, Post-Cremation or But Plain Later?

Unlike a wake or funeral service, a memorial service doesn't take place at the time of the burying or cremation, adding a layer of flexibility to the planning procedure. As a event, memorial services can be hosted days, weeks, months or even a year after the deceased passes. However, many families choose to marshal their memorial service just days subsequently a burying or cremation, adding some additional considerations into the mix:

With a cremation: Some families who choose cremation also will take a private event to inter the cremated remains in a cemetery or scatter the ashes events.  The memorial service typically comes later on these more private moments have occurred. There are many benefits to hosting a memorial service. For those who held a very private consequence at the cemetery or when handful, a memorial service enables other friends and loved ones to fairly gloat the deceased. A memorial can help begin healing for many. Read our article"15 Things Yous Tin can Do with Your Loved Ane'southward Ashes, "which might inspire memorial service ideas.

With a burial: Some families program a cemetery burial followed subsequently by a memorial service.  Others many have both a funeral and a memorial service for a loved i. Why? Because of the brusque window betwixt a decease and the burial, information technology tin can often be difficult for family unit and friends to travel to an out-of-town funeral. Past calculation a memorial service, i that's scheduled well in accelerate, you tin ensure that all those who want to celebrate your loved 1's life have the opportunity to practise so.

Standalone Memorial: Standalone memorial services are quickly increasing in popularity. These services tin can happen at any time following a death — some families even cull to host multiple services over the years, at primal times, such as milestone birthdays.

If yous determine to host such a memorial service, the first step is determining timing. Are you looking for a date that ensures more friends and relatives can attend? Is at that place a date with item significance to your loved 1, such as a birthday or anniversary? Don't feel confined to a specific timeline … there's no rush to lock down a date.

Adjacent: Consider Themes

If you decide to align your memorial with a meaningful appointment — a altogether, for example — y'all may opt to extend that theme through the service.

If your memorial doesn't marshal with a meaningful date or event, think about hobbies, special interests and passions that were central to the deceased's life and consider weaving those aspects into the memorial. For example:

A recent service for a dearest New Jersey police officer integrated plenty of personal touches: not merely were guests greeted with common cold glasses of spiked iced tea — his signature summertime drink — only the unabridged grouping moved to a nearby baseball field for a quick pick upwardly game afterward the service. The invitations and even the obituary itself, had encouraged people to bring gloves, bats and sneakers. And dozens obliged. The deceased was a lifelong baseball fan and pop Little League umpire. By hitting the field, his family and friends could remember him exactly as he would have wanted — with lots of laughter stretched across nine heady innings.

Also, many memorial services contain music, readings, colors, flowers and other details from the deceased's life. Alternatively, some opt for more traditional religious memorial services that align closely with a standard funeral, including hymns, spiritual readings and remarks from clergy. Delve into your loved one's personality and passions and let those guide you. Know that naught is also big or likewise small. As long as it'due south meaningful to you lot and your family, it'south a success.

From Hither: Cull a Venue

Based on any themes or preferences — casual vs. traditional, religious vs. secular, small and intimate or large and sprawling— identify potential venues for your memorial service. Some families cull to have more private gatherings at domicile, while others look for a place with nifty significant to the deceased: a park, embankment or favorite restaurant, for case. Some families might use a community gathering place, like a VFW hall, or even a hotel. If you've opted for a religious service, consider a church or other place of worship where specific needs can be accommodated, be they specific catering requests, music or audio visual needs.

And so, cull decor:Tropical flowers for a travel lover, jerseys for a diehard football fan, bright xanthous decorations that reflects a loved one'southward cheerful personality — decor can be a great addition to any memorial service, and assist set an instant tone for guests. Unlike funeral services, there'south no standard for decor at a memorial. While many opt for flowers, others veer towards the personal and creative. One family unit chose a fiesta theme and, with it, everything from bold wall hangings and colorful tablescapes to festive music, margaritas and, even mini piñatas for guests — a definite difference from the traditional funeral experience.

Most planners do choose to integrate images of the deceased and his/her family into the setting. Whether it'southward a slideshow, favorite photos displayed throughout the venue or an enlarged image for guests to sign in celebration. Having your loved 1 "present" for the memorial adds a very special and very personal affect to the experience. It also helps those in attendance remember the skillful times, special memories, and everything in between.

Organizing the Memorial

If yous've chosen a religious service and venue, the priest, pastor or other clergy tin can help organize the menses of your service, including music, readings and other details. Even so, if you opt for something more informal, information technology'due south of import to structure the service so people have ample time to connect, engage and reflect. Consider who you'll take speak, if anyone, and how they'll speak. For example,

  • Reading from their favorite author
  • A toast with their favorite beverage
  • Telling a funny anecdote
  • Giving a eulogy-style spoken language (click hither for tips on writing a eulogy)

Most memorial services are scheduled for two hours with a post-service reception to follow (encounter "Post-obit the Memorial Service," below). Assign tasks ahead of fourth dimension, whether it exist readings, musical performances, breezy words, or other reflections, ideally giving each participant 5 minutes or and then. Ensure you lot get out ample fourth dimension likewise for spontaneous toasts, mini eulogies and other personal moments that attendees decide to share on the spot. Given the more casual nature of a memorial and the emotions no dubiousness nowadays at these services, it's non uncommon that guests may enquire to say a few words in honor of the deceased.

Alerting and Inviting Guests: Memorial services that are simply several days after the burial or cremation are ofttimes noted in the deceased's obituary. All the same, if your memorial service will be at a later date, information technology's of import to alert friends, relatives, co-workers and neighbors every bit soon every bit possible. This can be done very casually — via e-mail, word-of-oral fissure or assigned contact lists divided upwards amongst friends and family. Information technology also can be more formal, with printed or digital invitations, for instance.

No matter how you choose to invite guests, it'due south important that you gear up the right tone and specifically outline any requests. For case, the baseball-themed memorial suggested attendees bring gloves, bats and sneakers — and they did. A memorial for a Jets football game fanatic encouraged jerseys (as long as they weren't for the Giants!) and many arrived in their Game Day best. Other invites may ask family and friends to bring photos of the deceased, a favorite poem or reading, or other piece of memorabilia to display at the service.

Following the Memorial Service

No matter the tone and candor, it's very mutual to host a reception immediately following the memorial. This is normally held at a family dwelling house or even, eating house or bar depending on the type of memorial service you're hosting. The primary goal of the reception is to requite guests time to relax and reflect on the day.

Drinks and food are unremarkably served. Again, this is a great identify to weave in some of your loved one's favorites. Was she always raising a glass or two of her favorite wine? Exist sure to take it on mitt fora toast in her laurels. Were his sausage sliders legendary? Have them prepared and served at the reception. Was she an avid traveler, with a sense of taste for take chances? Look for dishes from some of her favorite destinations, with table cards showcasing some candids from her trips around the globe.

If the service is hosted at a eatery, banquet hall or other outside facility, be sure to pre-order all food and then it'south available as soon every bit guests arrive. Likewise, if you're hosting at dwelling house or a private venue, be sure to have platters, desserts and other catering dishes delivered early enough in the day to ensure they're ready when guests arrive. Often families appoint someone — a neighbor or friend, for example — to stay dwelling and accept food deliveries in the hours leading up to the post-service reception. Keep in heed this is another fourth dimension guests may inquire to requite impromptu toasts or share anecdotes, so be certain you lot have enough time and infinite to conform them.

Memorial services are great ways to commemorate loved ones, with enough of opportunities to personalize, customize and celebrate their lives in spirited and meaningful ways. The first step is determining how and when you'll host the memorial service. From in that location, focus on developing a service that'southward special and brings your loved ane'due south interests and passions into the spotlight.

A personal memorial service volition encourage friends and family to commemorate and celebrate; helping mark this special life and all that it represented in a way that volition help us heal.

by Jaime Hollander, Gardens of Memory Contributor